My husband and I have done a particularly through job of indoctrinating our children into nerdom, so it was no surprise what happened on a trip to the Petersburg battlefield earlier this week. We took the missionaries with us and out of necessity one of them always gets stuck in the third row of our vehicle seated next to our 7 year old. This kid has taken to our nerdoctrination rather well. He has been a Jedi for Halloween not once, but twice, and he and his brother have dressed up as different incarnations of The Doctor. The poor barely adult guy that got stuck in the back had his ear talked off for about an hour on the topic of Doctor Who.
This in and of itself isn’t what socked and appalled me. What did that was this young man’s reaction later when asked about the ride. He said, “I learned more from him in forty five minutes than I did in an hour of talking to a sister missionary about the same topic.”
The other missionary, unsuspecting that this may result in me not teaching him to knit nerdy things or ever feed him again chimed in with, “Yeah, girls are like that.”
At this point, I turned my head and looked at the rest of the car. These boys had no idea that they were about to be killed by mommy glare. However, it got worse, because my normally somewhat feminist husband, the same guy who says, ‘be sexist because women are better’ decided to open his mouth and proceed to dig his own grave.
“Yeah, fangirls just don’t talk much about content.”
What. The. Hell.
‘Um, hello, fangirl sitting right next to you. You happen to be driving my brand new car, are you a fraking idiot?’
“Excuse me?” My head slowly swiveled as I prepared to unleash a glare that would make gorgons cringe.
“Well, not you honey.”
Blink. Blink. Did he think that made things better? To me it sounded worse.
“What do you mean not me?”
This is when it occurred to my usually brave and somewhat burly husband that I am quite capable of two things:
- Out geeking him.
- Making sure he never gets his Captain Kirk on again.
“Well, you actually know what you’re talking about… that’s not helping is it? You’re not a girl? Well, not a regular girl… you’re like a guy…”
Oh, yes, he went there. I raised my eyebrows emphatically transmitting, ‘you are possibly the biggest idiot in the verse. When did you start channeling Simon Tam’s people skills?’
“You know what I mean, you don’t fangirl and squee over stuff and… and…”
This is the point where I decided to stop him rather than ejecting him from the driver’s seat as if from an airlock.
“So there I was digging a hole, hole in the ground,” I sang loudly enough to drown him out.
“Couldn’t be square it had to be round,” he chimed in, taking the life preserver I tossed at him.
Then, I read all of four males in the car The Riot Act.
Just because I only squee internally does not mean that it is not there. I have actually learned this calm aloof hipster sort of thing that I use when dealing with guys in just about any fandom there is. Why? I do this because if I, as a female, show the slightest interest in something then everyone possessing a penis feels the need to quiz me to make sure I’m actually a fan.
What. The. Hell.
Who are these girls pretending to be nerds? I mean, there must be droves of them for fanboys to behave this way. Yet, I don’t really see them. I was fortunate growing up to have a slightly nerdy mom and a couple of friends with whom I could secretly geek out. We kind of hid the level of our nerdom from the other girls at school and eventually I channeled mine into theatre. Why? Because there’s no benefit in being a nerdy fangirl out of the closet.
Dudes, no girl is going to dress up as Black Widow just to pick you up. I’m terribly sorry, you’re a nerd and you’re just not that cool. We all know that although the chances of nerdy fanboys pulling down a descent salary is higher than the average male, it’s equally likely that the same fanboys will spend all of that extra cash on recreating the bridge of The U.S.S. Enterprise in their mom’s basement. This, gentlemen, is not what we call ‘attractive.’
Do any of you remember the Tony Harris incident? As a side note to the ladies, please slap this man next time you see him at a con. Mr. Harris, Eisner Award nominee, cocreator of Star Man and ExMachina, felt the need to belittle female cosplayers. Apparently dressing up in the sexy little outfits that comic book artists draw in order to show your appreciation of the character is unacceptable and make one an attention seeking whore. In comic book fashion I have the urge to shove my stiletto in his eye. However, this is the real world and the leather might get scuffed.
Why would we subject ourselves to ridicule, squeezing ourselves into an all too snug bodysuit just to fake interest? The other girls think we’re crazy and they tend to give us that look, the same one that we got from the popular girls in high school. We don’t want to be on the receiving end of that. Thus, it is highly unlikely that any girl is faking interest in a fandom. We just love science fiction and fantasy as much as you do, if not more.
More and more women are enjoying science fiction and fantasy these days because these genres consistently put forth the most interesting and complex female characters. In a world where all Hollywood is giving us is adaptations of Nicholas Sparks novels (I had to look up his name), we’re left craving something with more substance. Science fiction gives us Inara Serra, Captain Janeway, the new incarnation of Starbuck (who always looked effeminate to me), Aeryn Sun, and many more strong female characters.
We have a legitimate reason to be here. Quick being jerks or you are never going to get a woman to talk to you for more than ten minutes. Honestly, there is no amount of hot or rich or ubernerdy on your part that can make a woman with half a brain want to pursue anything with a guy who thinks it’s cool to go directly into Jeopardy mode the second a member of the opposite sex expresses interest in Doctor Who, Star Trek, Star Wars, Firefly, Battlestar Galactica or anything else.
Some of us just like “New Who” or TNG or the new depictions of the X men. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not sacrilege. This is not a religion. Be respectful and don’t treat women like they have to earn their place at the grown-ups table. Many of you barely deserve to be there.
If you’re really lucky we might help you build that U.S.S. Enterprise set, and do very fun things reminiscent of Captain Kirk with you.